Make It or Break It...The subtle dance of Morality.
In Buddhist traditions, the Paramitas, or "Perfections," represent the culmination of certain virtues. Rather than conduits to static rules, the Paramitas are seen as the live embodiment of certain virtues, and another translation for the word Para Mita is "that which goes beyond." In my Zen study during the month of March, I concentrated on the Shila Paramita, or "Morality." Mahayana Buddhism has a list of Precepts, or moral guides on the path, which are also experienced as the live embodiment of morality from moment to moment, using Upaya (skillful means) in each situation, rather than being seen as dogmatic commandments. I humbly share my reflections on the Shila Paramita ("Morality") with you, after providing a list of all the Mahayana Precepts in case you are interested:
Three Refuges of a Zen Peacemaker
Inviting all creations into the mandala of my practice and vowing to serve them, I take refuge in:
Oneness, the awakened nature of all beings.
Diversity, the ocean of wisdom and compassion.
Harmony, the interdependence of all creations.
Three Tenets of a Zen Peacemaker
Taking refuge and entering the stream of Engaged Spirituality, I vow to live a life of:
Not-knowing, thereby giving up fixed ideas about myself and the universe.
Bearing witness to the joy and suffering of the world.
Healing myself and others.
Four Commitments of a Peacemaker
I commit myself to a culture of nonviolence and reverence for life;
I commit myself to a culture of solidarity and a just economic order;
I commit myself to a culture of tolerance and a life based on truthfulness; and
I commit myself to a culture of equal rights and partnership between men and women.
Ten Precepts of a Zen Peacemaker:
Being Mindful of the interdependence of Oneness and Diversity, and wishing to actualize my vows, I engage in the spiritual practices of:
1. Recognizing that I am not separate from all that is.
This is the precept of Non-Killing.
2. Being satisfied with what I have.
This is the precept of Non-Stealing.
3. Encountering all creations with respect and dignity.
This is the precept of Chaste Conduct.
4. Listening and speaking from the heart.
This is the precept of Non-Lying.
5. Cultivating a mind that sees clearly.
This is the precept of Not Being Ignorant.
6. Unconditionally accepting what each moment has to offer.
This is the precept of Not Talking About Others Errors And Faults.
7. Speaking what I perceive to be the truth without guilt or blame.
This is the precept of Not Elevating Oneself And Blaming Others.
8. Using all of the ingredients of my life.
This is the precept of Not Being Stingy.
9. Transforming suffering into wisdom.
This is the precept of Not Being Angry.
10. Honoring my life as an instrument of peacemaking.
This is the precept of Not Thinking Ill of the Three Treasures.
REFLECTIONS ON THE SHILA PARAMITA- Charisa Kiyô Smith
When reading Roshi Aitken’s words on Shila, the strongest echo for me was the concept of technically “violating” precepts to keep them. In my practice of work, personal life, and Zen study, I am actively working on setting boundaries in order to make myself of best and most moral use to the world. I found that through study of Shila this month, I can trust my inner source a lot more to make tough choices.
One most obvious example of keeping morality through violating a Precept is nonkilling. As Roshi Aitken points out, “an absolute position—say, of never harming the roaches in the kitchen—will probably lead to harm in our families. But on the other hand, ruthlessly and endlessly exterminating roaches to protect the health of our children can lead to a wishy-washy kind of relativism” (28). We also kill bacteria when we boil water, or simply when we take each step on the ground. If we were to never kill anything, literally, we would not be able to exist. This type of paradox came up for me in terms of Not Elevating Oneself and Blaming Others in one of the courses I teach, called Child Abuse and Neglect.
Just in the way that we must kill in some small way to be functional, life-affirming people, I needed to violate the Precept of Not Elevating Oneself and Blaming Others to bring safety and peace to others in my teaching. My Child Abuse and Neglect course is the source of certification for two types of violence intervention. It is also a very personal experience, far different from other courses. For nearly two years, it has been seen as a safe and confidential space for students to explore tragedy, child protection, and human relationships, while sometimes coming to terms with abuse in their own lives. I share my own survival story and manage to get us to laugh and enjoy each class session, while also examining touchy and harrowing subjects. After our last class, a student confided that the girl sitting next to her, “Kate,” had been videotaping our class. I had to first work with my shock, and then contemplate anger, before recognizing that problem-solving was required. Almost immediately, I sent a strongly worded email of warning to Kate. It was tough because I dread making people feel singled out or targeted, but Kate was obstructing the morally supportive and emotionally nurturing nature of our class environment. I had to put Kate on notice that she had crossed a line, in the most kind and concerned way that I could, and I threatened to take further action if she did not stop her self-centered behavior. While I technically elevated myself and blamed Kate, I did so in the least obtrusive way possible, while holding up the greater reason to her and in my gut.
I also found myself violating the Precept of Not Sparing the Dharma Assets, and trying to Not Elevat[e My]self and Blam[e] Others, in my attorney position. In my full-time job, I legally represent children on probation who have education issues. After experiencing my childhood best friend’s death around Thanksgiving, suffering the loss of Myoshin which our entire Zendo faced, and then watching my caseload pile up at this particular job, it has become a survival mechanism to set more stern limits and simply tell new clients and referral sources that I am not available. It is definitely easier said than done. My emotional state is typically strong in public, and at work, but once in a while, I am secretly hanging on by a thread. After all this loss, I need to spare my dharma assets by refraining from sharing wisdom and knowledge with clients when there’s simply too much on my plate. I feel guilty about this because I never want to deny anyone my help. However, I know from Path of Service and from endless teachings from spiritual guides, that approaching service this way is also a matter of Not Elevating Oneself and Blaming Others. As Roshi Aitken says, “If I have a tendency to be accommodating to other people, I can misuse this trait in a self-centered way as a means for personal protection” (31). Egotism can be at work when I somehow think I am indispensible, and that my dharma assets are what hold things together. Just as it’s crucial to be generous to add richness to the world, it’s key to also break this Precept and be self-protective of my assets to ensure that I always have something to give.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
Apparently, Black is the new Dead
APPARENTLY, BLACK IS THE NEW DEAD
This blog
http://jezebel.com/5896408/racist-hunger-games-fans-dont-care-how-much-money-the-movie-made
Was shared with me by someone I admire. It rapidly precipitated an email from me to other close family and friends, entitled, "This seriously made me cry in the middle of lunch at my desk at work"
on Monday, March 26th at 2:46pm EST
After receiving wisdom and love from many of them, I wrote them back:
Dear gifted family and friends,
Thank you for your insightful and powerful words. They help to put these challenges into perspective and force me to remember what's really important. It's so interesting...I tend to take in a lot of unhappiness, belligerence, controversy, and even drama in the work that I do, and I usually find ways to gain energy from it. That is largely because I enjoy the struggle, and on top of it all, get to communicate with you and spend time in your shining sunlight. While I definitely have plenty of weaknesses, one of my biggest challenges is not reverting to pure despair when I re-learn that some people just flat out hate. It's part of my lifelong koan to not make expectations...Some of you read my blogs a long while ago about that: "Having expectations is like making a contract with disappointment," let go, yet never fail to let people pleasantly surprise you! And so I see that! Yet, no matter how hard I try to go along expecting just about anything, and absolutely nothing, I keep getting stuck. Pow! Whop! Just when you though you understood the world. Nope, not even close. Surprise. The pure hatred and malice exists in a more profound way than I could ever comprehend.
I especially appreciate your words about finding acceptance and love for the very people who sling hateful energy across space and time. How brilliant! How necessary for the healing of everyone. Once in a while, I am reduced to a crybaby amidst the homophobia, racism, and miscellaneous (physical and spiritual) violence. I'm not sure what I thought...I very well knew about racism! I talk about it every day! But reading what children and pop culture overtly had to say about film protagonists of color just took the wind out of my sails. Yes. They really hate us all that much. I have already put links to that blog up on the sites for both courses that I teach, and the discussion will be front and center this week as we also talk about challenges for black children in public education, and the emotional / psychological maltreatment of all types of children and adults, respectively.
We know that everything is poetically interconnected, right? It's all this, it's all us. No separation. Last Friday, hearing Angela Davis speak for the second time in a year was completely electrifying! She inspires me to write so much more, to learn more, to teach more, and to act in more compassionate ways.
And so life goes on. I know that, but I also know you and our paths. I am grateful for all these things and hope you know how cherished you are, every day. When you need me, please count on me!
In gassho (with a bow), and Namaste ("I see the universal presence in you").
Friday, September 2, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
True Grit
"How miraculous. Chopping wood. Carrying water." - Zen Master Layman Pang.
The precious thing about ordinary life is its bareness, its grit, its simplicity.
Nothing special.
Now is it.
That's why it's delicious.
- Charisa Smith...Kiyo
The precious thing about ordinary life is its bareness, its grit, its simplicity.
Nothing special.
Now is it.
That's why it's delicious.
- Charisa Smith...Kiyo
Friday, July 1, 2011
"WALKING IN THE DARK" - ORIGINAL POSTING DATE: WEDNESDAY, JUNE 16TH, 2010
"If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark."
- St. John of the Cross.
How much time do we spend trying to figure out how to make things go well. . .How to get someone to respond just how we'd like them to, or the way we think we need them to respond? How often do we get upset when some mishap, or someone's complications, foil our best-laid plans? How many strategy sessions have you sat through-- for work, for play, for relationship gain or improvement, for personal effectiveness? Have you ever thought, "I could get so much done if it wasn't for [X person] or [X situation] slowing me down and getting in my way?"
No worries-- you're certainly not by yourself. You are in very good company with me and many other people across space and time.
It's not that wandering around without a thought about next steps is the best way to function. But rather, leaving behind our expectations and our desires for stability can ensure us far more happiness and effectiveness. It's so funny that we don't get it by now, but nothing can be perfect, and the best laid plans can fall through. Murphy's Law is well known for a reason. . .Anything can happen. To put it blankly, we are not in control.
A well-known Buddhist teacher (I believe it was Sylvia Boorstein) said that "Having expectations is like signing a contract with disappointment." I heard this ingenious phrase at a time when I learned that several people close to me had cheated on their partners, either in their past, in the present, or at both times. I just couldn't believe that someone I thought I knew so well, and someone who seemed to have so much integrity, could be capable of actually cheating on a partner.
When that phrase about expectations was taught to me, I realized how much of a pitfall I'd created by going around expecting the people close to me to share my sense of ethics. I continue to seek close company that is honest, trustworthy, and ethical, but I really can't expect everyone else to behave like I would in certain situations. Julie Myoko Terestman, a Zen teacher and advisor, reminded me that I just "never know the whole situation," and that I should try not to judge when I hear of something that sounds hurtful and offensive to me at first blush. How good to hear. How true to know.
Further, Roshi Pat Enkyo O'Hara pointed out recently in her "Zen and Intimacy" workshop that contrary to popular belief, it's not the task of our intimate partners, friends, and family members, to make us feel happy and safe. When we step back and think about it, how preposterous is it, really, to think, "[This person] doesn't make me feel good all the time. They aren't doing what I want them to do. I need to make them do what I want, so I can be happy." ?
We, alone, are responsible for our own feelings, and intimate relationships are not a channel for possession of others or for unfettered influence over others' actions and emotions. Many wise ones say that "You can't truly love anyone else until you love yourself. . .People search so hard for someone else to make them happy. We have to realize that what we seek is inside ourselves."
Too many of us believe in the fairytale concept of an intimate partner who will come into our life, passionately sweep us off our feet, diminish many of our problems, and make our lives safe and happy. Zen Life Coach and advisor Nosan Lawrence Grecco points out that "Relationships are not a way for us to get all of our needs met." I felt very liberated when I heard him say that. If the opposite was the case, how would anyone ever have a "good" or "functional" relationship?
Not only are expectations of other people a sure way to stand in line for a miserable life, but trying to rely on events and outcomes is also a no-win situation. Buddhist wisdom instructs that impermanence is a Dharma Seal, one of the fundamental tenants of enlightened truth. It's scary, but we can never truly be safe. Things will never be stable and predictable. Of course, to get through life, we try to act in ways that benefit others, ourselves, and the environment. We try to find a modicum of stability in order to function and be healthy, enjoying as much of life as we can. But we cannot wait for everything to get organized, to work out our way, or to go according to plan.
It's simply the nature of the universe -- the world spins, nothing stands still. Everything is born each minute, as particles transform and evolve with changing time and space conditions. Everything dies each minute, for those same exact reasons. In Buddhism, we believe that there really is no birth and no death. Impermanence reigns, and we are also all interconnected to the point where in some small way, all that we are and all that we do continues to have an impact on everything else in the world.
Closing our eyes and walking in the dark can mean saying hello to contentment and ease. Realism with a hearty dose of wonder, generosity, and hope can bring us a much more balanced life. I invite you to search for ways that you can dim the lights of control-ism --Yes, I've created a new "ism"-- in your life. Where can we afford to loosen our grip on outcomes and the behavior of others? Where can we slacken the reigns of our perceived influence and power over life?
True, the lights will be dim. The lights may be off. But at least we have a grip on reality, and we will no longer walk around trying to force our neurotic flashlight to cast an obnoxious glare on the world. So many unknown events await us. So many unpredictable people can bring us expansive experiences of joy, discomfort, peace, anger, passion, disdain, excitement, sadness, confusion, and love.
I look forward to walking with you. If we bump into each other, I'll give you a hug.
- St. John of the Cross.
How much time do we spend trying to figure out how to make things go well. . .How to get someone to respond just how we'd like them to, or the way we think we need them to respond? How often do we get upset when some mishap, or someone's complications, foil our best-laid plans? How many strategy sessions have you sat through-- for work, for play, for relationship gain or improvement, for personal effectiveness? Have you ever thought, "I could get so much done if it wasn't for [X person] or [X situation] slowing me down and getting in my way?"
No worries-- you're certainly not by yourself. You are in very good company with me and many other people across space and time.
It's not that wandering around without a thought about next steps is the best way to function. But rather, leaving behind our expectations and our desires for stability can ensure us far more happiness and effectiveness. It's so funny that we don't get it by now, but nothing can be perfect, and the best laid plans can fall through. Murphy's Law is well known for a reason. . .Anything can happen. To put it blankly, we are not in control.
A well-known Buddhist teacher (I believe it was Sylvia Boorstein) said that "Having expectations is like signing a contract with disappointment." I heard this ingenious phrase at a time when I learned that several people close to me had cheated on their partners, either in their past, in the present, or at both times. I just couldn't believe that someone I thought I knew so well, and someone who seemed to have so much integrity, could be capable of actually cheating on a partner.
When that phrase about expectations was taught to me, I realized how much of a pitfall I'd created by going around expecting the people close to me to share my sense of ethics. I continue to seek close company that is honest, trustworthy, and ethical, but I really can't expect everyone else to behave like I would in certain situations. Julie Myoko Terestman, a Zen teacher and advisor, reminded me that I just "never know the whole situation," and that I should try not to judge when I hear of something that sounds hurtful and offensive to me at first blush. How good to hear. How true to know.
Further, Roshi Pat Enkyo O'Hara pointed out recently in her "Zen and Intimacy" workshop that contrary to popular belief, it's not the task of our intimate partners, friends, and family members, to make us feel happy and safe. When we step back and think about it, how preposterous is it, really, to think, "[This person] doesn't make me feel good all the time. They aren't doing what I want them to do. I need to make them do what I want, so I can be happy." ?
We, alone, are responsible for our own feelings, and intimate relationships are not a channel for possession of others or for unfettered influence over others' actions and emotions. Many wise ones say that "You can't truly love anyone else until you love yourself. . .People search so hard for someone else to make them happy. We have to realize that what we seek is inside ourselves."
Too many of us believe in the fairytale concept of an intimate partner who will come into our life, passionately sweep us off our feet, diminish many of our problems, and make our lives safe and happy. Zen Life Coach and advisor Nosan Lawrence Grecco points out that "Relationships are not a way for us to get all of our needs met." I felt very liberated when I heard him say that. If the opposite was the case, how would anyone ever have a "good" or "functional" relationship?
Not only are expectations of other people a sure way to stand in line for a miserable life, but trying to rely on events and outcomes is also a no-win situation. Buddhist wisdom instructs that impermanence is a Dharma Seal, one of the fundamental tenants of enlightened truth. It's scary, but we can never truly be safe. Things will never be stable and predictable. Of course, to get through life, we try to act in ways that benefit others, ourselves, and the environment. We try to find a modicum of stability in order to function and be healthy, enjoying as much of life as we can. But we cannot wait for everything to get organized, to work out our way, or to go according to plan.
It's simply the nature of the universe -- the world spins, nothing stands still. Everything is born each minute, as particles transform and evolve with changing time and space conditions. Everything dies each minute, for those same exact reasons. In Buddhism, we believe that there really is no birth and no death. Impermanence reigns, and we are also all interconnected to the point where in some small way, all that we are and all that we do continues to have an impact on everything else in the world.
Closing our eyes and walking in the dark can mean saying hello to contentment and ease. Realism with a hearty dose of wonder, generosity, and hope can bring us a much more balanced life. I invite you to search for ways that you can dim the lights of control-ism --Yes, I've created a new "ism"-- in your life. Where can we afford to loosen our grip on outcomes and the behavior of others? Where can we slacken the reigns of our perceived influence and power over life?
True, the lights will be dim. The lights may be off. But at least we have a grip on reality, and we will no longer walk around trying to force our neurotic flashlight to cast an obnoxious glare on the world. So many unknown events await us. So many unpredictable people can bring us expansive experiences of joy, discomfort, peace, anger, passion, disdain, excitement, sadness, confusion, and love.
I look forward to walking with you. If we bump into each other, I'll give you a hug.
"AWARD WINNER - NY BOOK FESTIVAL '10" - ORIGINAL POSTING DATE: FRIDAY, JUNE 11TH, 2010
I'm gearing up for an evening of mingling with authors and publishers for the 2nd celebratory event in the 2010 NY Book Festival-- a reception at the famed Algonquin Hotel in midtown Manhattan. Again, I'll be promoting Blending Colors From Life, which won an Honorable Mention, along with my 2nd book concept, involving the survival stories of brave women who have touched my life. Hoping you all have a wonderful Friday. All the best.
"AWARDS PARTY - NY BOOK FESTIVAL '10" - ORIGINAL POSTING DATE: THURSDAY, JUNE 10TH. . .MY BOOK WINS AN AWARD AT 2010 NEW YORK BOOK FESTIVAL!
Tonight I'm going to the 1st celebratory event for the 2010 New York Book Festival. It's a party and author reading at Cornelia St. Cafe in Greenwich Village. I won't be reading, as Blending Colors From Life received an Honorable Mention as opposed to a higher prize. Yet, I'm happy about the honor, and I'm excited to promote Blending Colors From Life and my second book, which will contain the survival stories of brave women who have touched my life. Sending all of you metta and peace.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)