Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Approaching the Anniversary of Taliana's Death

Gifts and drifts.  It's been 362 days since my best friend of 17 years passed away.  I'm not really sure what "goodbye" means anymore.  I feel the need to make her presence more real than ever, and also the need to live fully without her, like she'd want.  Here is a poem that I needed to write.  She was an awesome poet, and I know she would smile at this.  I think I am going to share her poetry with others in the future.  I have poems we wrote in high school!  She was one of the most gifted people I've ever met.  A bit of trivia that helps explain the poem-- she was also my piercing buddy, year after year...after year!  <3

For Taliana, my Forever Sister:

I wish time could stop ticking.  I wish the world would stop spinning.  It is all because of you.  You have vanished, yet pulled me through.  Had you never graced my life, I might never have shined my light.  17 years you helped me learn, held my torch so I could burn.  Soul mate sisters never die. You are in me as I cry.  We always said that whoever left first would leave a barren spot on earth.  So I walk here on my own, scared and wary of the unknown.  Since we are so strong, we knew paradise all along.  I can not help but to think that at last you reached the brink.  You are finally free from terror, and can see hope in the mirror.  I will battle on for life, knowing you are my delight.  We will feel the piercer's needle in your ashes and my cradle.  As the clock just keeps on ticking, we will know we are bewitching.

For anyone who believes in energy flow, please send some metta (loving energy) our way.  I feel grateful for all I have, will not take it for granted, and know with certainty that you are a part of it.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Obama Tells ABC News Same-Sex Marriage Should Be Legal

President Obama has gained the courage to say that people are equal, regardless of who and how they love. It's overdue, and I am grateful.

Breaking News Alert
The New York Times
Wednesday, May 9, 2012 -- 3:10 PM EDT

Obama Tells ABC News Same-Sex Marriage Should Be Legal

President Obama declared for the first time on Wednesday that he supports same-sex marriage, putting the moral power of his presidency behind a social issue that continues to divide the country.

“At a certain point,” Mr. Obama said in an interview in the Cabinet Room at the White House with ABC’s Robin Roberts, “I’ve just concluded that for me personally, it is important for me to go ahead and affirm that I think same sex couples should be able to get married.”

The comments end years of public equivocating over the divisive social issue for the president, who has previously said he opposed gay marriage but repeatedly said he was “evolving” on the issue because of contact with friends and others who are gay.


Monday, April 16, 2012

What Innocence Really Means

Never be afraid to question that which appears to be unjust, nor to painstakingly examine everything for hidden traces of injustice:

"Convicted defendants left uninformed of forensic flaws found by Justice Dept."  -
The Washington Post - Monday, April 16, 2012 -

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Don't Get Used to Your Clothes

Don't get used to your clothes: "Justices Approve Strip-Searches for Any Offense" -

After all, it's not like you have the right to wear your clothes if injustice and suspicion come calling.  The pitfalls of the status quo justice system are innumerable.  We only need look at history, more recent public discourse, activist widsom for centuries, and the scores of wrongfully accused, to know that re-visioning, not revamping or reforming, is vital.  It's amazing to me that the U.S. guarantees each person the right to bear arms in the federal Constitution, but that there is no fundamental right to an education in federal law, and now the Supreme Court refuses to question any law enforcement decision on this strip-search matter, however innane or inaccurate.

I don't think we can afford to be shy about this one.  Please see for ways that you can take action. 

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Make It or Break It

Make It or Break It...The subtle dance of Morality.

In Buddhist traditions, the Paramitas, or "Perfections," represent the culmination of certain virtues.  Rather than conduits to static rules, the Paramitas are seen as the live embodiment of certain virtues, and another translation for the word Para Mita is "that which goes beyond."  In my Zen study during the month of March, I concentrated on the Shila Paramita, or "Morality."  Mahayana Buddhism has a list of Precepts, or moral guides on the path, which are also experienced as the live embodiment of morality from moment to moment, using Upaya (skillful means) in each situation, rather than being seen as dogmatic commandments.  I humbly share my reflections on the Shila Paramita ("Morality") with you, after providing a list of all the Mahayana Precepts in case you are interested:

Three Refuges of a Zen Peacemaker

Inviting all creations into the mandala of my practice and vowing to serve them, I take refuge in:

Oneness, the awakened nature of all beings.
Diversity, the ocean of wisdom and compassion.
Harmony, the interdependence of all creations.

Three Tenets of a Zen Peacemaker

Taking refuge and entering the stream of Engaged Spirituality, I vow to live a life of:

Not-knowing, thereby giving up fixed ideas about myself and the universe.
Bearing witness to the joy and suffering of the world.
Healing myself and others.

Four Commitments of a Peacemaker

I commit myself to a culture of nonviolence and reverence for life;
I commit myself to a culture of solidarity and a just economic order;
I commit myself to a culture of tolerance and a life based on truthfulness; and
I commit myself to a culture of equal rights and partnership between men and women.

Ten Precepts of a Zen Peacemaker:

Being Mindful of the interdependence of Oneness and Diversity, and wishing to actualize my vows, I engage in the spiritual practices of:

1. Recognizing that I am not separate from all that is.
This is the precept of Non-Killing.

2. Being satisfied with what I have.
This is the precept of Non-Stealing.

3. Encountering all creations with respect and dignity.
This is the precept of Chaste Conduct.

4. Listening and speaking from the heart.
This is the precept of Non-Lying.

5. Cultivating a mind that sees clearly.
This is the precept of Not Being Ignorant.

6. Unconditionally accepting what each moment has to offer.
This is the precept of Not Talking About Others Errors And Faults.

7. Speaking what I perceive to be the truth without guilt or blame.
This is the precept of Not Elevating Oneself And Blaming Others.

8. Using all of the ingredients of my life.
This is the precept of Not Being Stingy.

9. Transforming suffering into wisdom.
This is the precept of Not Being Angry.

10. Honoring my life as an instrument of peacemaking.
This is the precept of Not Thinking Ill of the Three Treasures.


When reading Roshi Aitken’s words on Shila, the strongest echo for me was the concept of technically “violating” precepts to keep them.  In my practice of work, personal life, and Zen study, I am actively working on setting boundaries in order to make myself of best and most moral use to the world.  I found that through study of Shila this month, I can trust my inner source a lot more to make tough choices.

One most obvious example of keeping morality through violating a Precept is nonkilling. As Roshi Aitken points out, “an absolute position—say, of never harming the roaches in the kitchen—will probably lead to harm in our families.  But on the other hand, ruthlessly and endlessly exterminating roaches to protect the health of our children can lead to a wishy-washy kind of relativism” (28).  We also kill bacteria when we boil water, or simply when we take each step on the ground.  If we were to never kill anything, literally, we would not be able to exist.  This type of paradox came up for me in terms of Not Elevating Oneself and Blaming Others in one of the courses I teach, called Child Abuse and Neglect.

Just in the way that we must kill in some small way to be functional, life-affirming people, I needed to violate the Precept of Not Elevating Oneself and Blaming Others to bring safety and peace to others in my teaching.  My Child Abuse and Neglect course is the source of certification for two types of violence intervention.  It is also a very personal experience, far different from other courses.  For nearly two years, it has been seen as a safe and confidential space for students to explore tragedy, child protection, and human relationships, while sometimes coming to terms with abuse in their own lives.  I share my own survival story and manage to get us to laugh and enjoy each class session, while also examining touchy and harrowing subjects.  After our last class, a student confided that the girl sitting next to her, “Kate,” had been videotaping our class.  I had to first work with my shock, and then contemplate anger, before recognizing that problem-solving was required.  Almost immediately, I sent a strongly worded email of warning to Kate.  It was tough because I dread making people feel singled out or targeted, but Kate was obstructing the morally supportive and emotionally nurturing nature of our class environment.  I had to put Kate on notice that she had crossed a line, in the most kind and concerned way that I could, and I threatened to take further action if she did not stop her self-centered behavior.  While I technically elevated myself and blamed Kate, I did so in the least obtrusive way possible, while holding up the greater reason to her and in my gut.

I also found myself violating the Precept of Not Sparing the Dharma Assets, and trying to Not Elevat[e My]self and Blam[e] Others, in my attorney position.  In my full-time job, I legally represent children on probation who have education issues.  After experiencing my childhood best friend’s death around Thanksgiving, suffering the loss of Myoshin which our entire Zendo faced, and then watching my caseload pile up at this particular job, it has become a survival mechanism to set more stern limits and simply tell new clients and referral sources that I am not available.  It is definitely easier said than done.  My emotional state is typically strong in public, and at work, but once in a while, I am secretly hanging on by a thread.  After all this loss, I need to spare my dharma assets by refraining from sharing wisdom and knowledge with clients when there’s simply too much on my plate.  I feel guilty about this because I never want to deny anyone my help.  However, I know from Path of Service and from endless teachings from spiritual guides, that approaching service this way is also a matter of Not Elevating Oneself and Blaming Others.  As Roshi Aitken says, “If I have a tendency to be accommodating to other people, I can misuse this trait in a self-centered way as a means for personal protection” (31).  Egotism can be at work when I somehow think I am indispensible, and that my dharma assets are what hold things together.  Just as it’s crucial to be generous to add richness to the world, it’s key to also break this Precept and be self-protective of my assets to ensure that I always have something to give.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Apparently, Black is the new Dead


This blog

Was shared with me by someone I admire.  It rapidly precipitated an email from me to other close family and friends, entitled, "This seriously made me cry in the middle of lunch at my desk at work"
on Monday, March 26th at 2:46pm EST

After receiving wisdom and love from many of them, I wrote them back:

Dear gifted family and friends,

Thank you for your insightful and powerful words.  They help to put these challenges into perspective and force me to remember what's really important.  It's so interesting...I tend to take in a lot of unhappiness, belligerence, controversy, and even drama in the work that I do, and I usually find ways to gain energy from it.  That is largely because I enjoy the struggle, and on top of it all, get to communicate with you and spend time in your shining sunlight.  While I definitely have plenty of weaknesses, one of my biggest challenges is not reverting to pure despair when I re-learn that some people just flat out hate.  It's part of my lifelong koan to not make expectations...Some of you read my blogs a long while ago about that:  "Having expectations is like making a contract with disappointment," let go, yet never fail to let people pleasantly surprise you!  And so I see that!  Yet, no matter how hard I try to go along expecting just about anything, and absolutely nothing, I keep getting stuck.  Pow!  Whop!  Just when you though you understood the world.  Nope, not even close.  Surprise.  The pure hatred and malice exists in a more profound way than I could ever comprehend.

I especially appreciate your words about finding acceptance and love for the very people who sling hateful energy across space and time.  How brilliant!  How necessary for the healing of everyone.  Once in a while, I am reduced to a crybaby amidst the homophobia, racism, and miscellaneous (physical and spiritual) violence.  I'm not sure what I thought...I very well knew about racism!  I talk about it every day!  But reading what children and pop culture overtly had to say about film protagonists of color just took the wind out of my sails.  Yes.  They really hate us all that much.  I have already put links to that blog up on the sites for both courses that I teach, and the discussion will be front and center this week as we also talk about challenges for black children in public education, and the emotional / psychological maltreatment of all types of children and adults, respectively.

We know that everything is poetically interconnected, right?  It's all this, it's all us.  No separation.  Last Friday, hearing Angela Davis speak for the second time in a year was completely electrifying!  She inspires me to write so much more, to learn more, to teach more, and to act in more compassionate ways.

And so life goes on.  I know that, but I also know you and our paths.  I am grateful for all these things and hope you know how cherished you are, every day.  When you need me, please count on me!

In gassho (with a bow), and Namaste ("I see the universal presence in you").