charisasmith.com

Sunday, June 19, 2011

"Dear X" - ORIGINAL POSTING DATE: MON., JAN. 25TH, 2010

Dear X,
Great to hear from you. Glad my emails could make you smile. How was your day? Your job seems really rewarding and exciting, from what I read of your card!

I'm actually not familiar with the work of Trungpa Ripoche. I love learning about other traditions, I just adore mine so much that I like to fill my days with Zen because I identify with it most strongly! I will have to make a point to read about the "me plan" sometime, though. I guess I tend to "study" (read) Zen texts more often and to experience other traditions through dharma talks, visits, or new friends instead.

Speaking of pan-Buddhism, here's a link to Bodhi Lounge, the Meetup group I was telling you about:
http://www.meetup.com/Bodhi-Lounge/ If you get a chance and are interested, join up (free) and check out the link I posted to Roshi Enkyo O'Hara's dharma talk on Martin Luther King and the Vimalakirti Sutra, on the Message Board section.

To answer your question about moving between the 3 phases of practice, I would have to say that the Me Phase definitely has a diminished presence in my life, but I still have a drama playing in my head at times! The reason why I tend to stop the dramatic tape (DVD, lol?) before it plays that much is because I've gotten a taste of a life with far less self-worry and anxiety, and now I literally need a certain level of mental spaciousness to function. I find that because I "check myself" for presence of mind nearly every 2 minutes now, I've actually grown more physically sensitive to mental stress. It's weird but helpful. When I start to spin a story about something going on and proceed to detach my mental state from my whereabouts, and then even let a jumble of emotions start radiating through my body, it doesn't take long before I feel overwhelmed, as if I need to just rest in the void again, no matter what comes my way. I'm not sure if I've brainwashed myself to physically manifest that "Worrying is bad for your health," or whether I just grew more sensitive to those energies, but I clear my head so I won't end up with a migrane or an upset stomach! I'm also a trauma survivor and a former chronic pain patient (I really would appreciate talking with you about your pain sometime. I would love to be supportive and to learn more), so I now know that I also actually "manifest stress differently" than the average person. I finally found a doctor (GI of all things) who asked all the right questions and understands what I'm going through. A combination of practice, surgery, medication, and lifestyle choices has helped me to find a far less stressful way of life.

But everything's relative. . .Just because I don't play a tape in my head for too long doesn't mean I avoid chaos! I just recently broke a pattern of dating really unstable women. I did it for 9 years, same story everytime, supportive people pointing out the pattern, but I simply thought I was supposed to be with someone like that until it became too much to bear. Learning never stops!

Merle Kodo came to the Zendo this past summer. If you venture to her sangha sometime, I would enjoy tagging along.

Sorry I wrote you a novel! I'm a writer and a generally vocal person, so I think nothing of blabbing on and on in a one-way forum like email. Hope you're not bored lol. Please tell me more about yourself when you can.

Take care now.
In gassho,

Charisa

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